No one is prepared to lose a child.

Ruby Robinson recalls completing her first trimester and feeling excited about the promise of being a parent. She began sharing the happy news with friends and family. She was going to have a girl.

But at 16 weeks gestation, something seemed off. First there was spotting, then contractions. She went to the emergency room, where she went into labor and delivered. It was a nonviable pregnancy.

Robinson was understandably devastated. 

She turned to a UC Davis Health support group that helped her cope during such a difficult period. HALO (Healing After the Loss of a Child) is a safe space that meets weekly online to help people like Robinson work through their anger and grief with others in a similar situation.

“It’s still such a taboo subject so you feel so alone,” Robinson said. “When you lose a child through miscarriage, you’ve lost the chance to know them. You’ve lost the chance to raise them, and you have no memories to rely on. It’s a different kind of grief.”

HALO was started in 2021 by UC Davis perinatal psychiatrist Shannon Clark.

“We wanted to provide a safe, compassionate community to help our patients with the heartbreak and loneliness that are often the hallmarks of miscarriage and infant loss,” Clark said. “Through peer support and clinician-led care, we help parents grieve openly, manage guilt and trauma, and, when desired, prepare emotionally and medically for a future pregnancy.”

Patients can attend for as long as they need. Healthcare providers are encouraged to refer anyone affected by pregnancy or infant loss. Patients can also self-refer into the group.

Memorializing her loss

Michelle Jaromay’s first miscarriage in October of 2021 was the worst moment of her life.

She was looking forward to a gender-reveal party at a scenic bridge on the preserve behind her house in Elk Grove.

Instead, she memorialized her child with a bench just a short distance away.

“No one knows how to talk to someone who has had a miscarriage,” Jaromay said.

She found HALO through Clark, who was on her maternal-fetal health team during pregnancy. “HALO gave me the support that I didn’t get with my family or friends. The group was a healing environment.”